Monday, November 07, 2005

Things Seen On TV

During random episodes of the 1990s Spider-Man TV show, broadcast on some cable network:

  • An elderly Italian crimelord as a small infant.
  • A strange grey cyborg with lasers shooting out of his shoulders. Furthermore, no-one seems to notice the oddity thereof.
  • The Scorpion has an old man chained to a wall in his dungeon, which just happens to be off the breakfast nook in his spacious Manhattan apartment.
  • The Scorpion's wife - who knew the Scorpion was married? - is apparently mentally challenged, to judge from the way she elongates and accentuates the syllables of her speech at the oddest moments.
  • The old man keeps changing into a young man, and back again.
  • The elederly Italian crimelord is restored to his proper age due to the Vulture's shenanigans, only to make another diaper joke.
  • Spider-Man going out of his way to avoid having any kind of sexual relationship with the Black Cat, preferring instead the company of Harry Osborne. Considering that the Black Cat is well known to be fast and loose like a Vegas slot, one can only conclude that Spider-Man is indeed gay. As in he prefers the company of men.
  • Who doesn't?
  • Kraven the Hunter running around central park and crying.
  • Of all the classic Spider-Man villains who deserved to have their costume updated, Kraven is probably the only one who has never had his costume updated. Maybe it remains as a means of reminding us that even Sturdy Steve Ditko liked to hit the ether, too.
  • Kraven is apparently married to a werwolf woman.
  • Man, Spider-Man likes to point out the obvious, doesn't he? This isn't really the cartoon in particular, he always was a walking font of expository dialogue.

    I believe I can fly, /
    I believe I can touch the sky, /
    I think about it every night and day, /
    Spread my wings and fly away.
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