Monday, December 08, 2008


So yeah, I know I had a good rhythm going there, with lots of content and lots of posts - and then I ran into the end of the semester, which cut off the momentum at its knees. I know, I know, bad for business. But take heart! my 90s ramblings will soon return, for certain, as I have gotten some interesting nibbles from certain third parties interested publishing the series in a more substantial form. So - when I have the time, the 90s series will continue, with more in the way of real research and actual insight, not just bald assertions about crap I vaguely remember from those years of yore when the Clintonosaurus roamed Washington and LFO was just a hardcore techno band and not yet a synonym for low-rent pedo-bait.

So, anyway, to keep you amused:

Things I Admit To Being Unable To Dig

1. Bone - Yeah, I know. Every couple years I try again - I've got scattered issues of the original run, the Image run, and the first of the Scholastic color editions. But then I start to actually read the damn thing and I jusssxxxxzzzzzzzzzz . . . I'm sorry, I think I fell asleep. Are they still talking about cow races?

2. The Fall - Has there ever been a band more perfectly designed to appeal to anal-retentive music nerds and pop critics? (Besides Stereolab, that is.) Hey, I just happen to be both of those things, so I should love the Fall . . . well, I actually do own a couple Fall CDs. And I listen to them periodically to see if I've changed my mind. Nope.

3. James Bond - I know every red-blood male secretly (or not so secretly) wants to be James Bond, but not me. The whole milieu, and everything that goes along with it, could not be more uninteresting - international intrigue, espionage, organized crime, martinis and gambling - yawn. I can appreciate the first couple Sean Connery films in an academic sense, and the first, best version of Casino Royale, but I don't think I've ever succeeded in making it through a Roger Moore, Timothy Dalton or Pierce Brosnan Bond film without getting bored and changing the channel. Just really bland, and all the knock-offs of the last half-century have been even blander. if he's got a license to kill, he sure used it to knock off my interest.

4. Cole Porter - I've got a double CD set of Ella Fitzgerald singing the Cole Porter songbook. If Ella Fitzgerald can't make Cole Porter seem interesting, I don't think it can be done.

5. Beer / Wine / Liquor - I have friends who love good liquor, friends who want to devote their life to the science of brewing beer. I have drank good liquor and drank good beer - not so much of the good wine, but some not-so-bad wine. And it's not like I don't occasionally have a glass of something, I'm no teetotaler. But on the whole there is no appeal. It all tastes like a dog's ass - I know there are folks who will swear up and down that beer tastes good, but even the most expensive beer I've ever drank still tastes like what my mouth tastes like in the morning when I forget to brush my teeth the nigh before. Alcohol is distilled and fermented into beverages for one purpose: intoxication. I can respect alcoholics because they at least admit that the purpose of liquor is to create temporary dissonance between reality and perception; they don't erect an incredibly baroque pseudo-academic edifice of crumbling bullshit in a vain attempt to try and convince me that something which obviously tastes like a big bag of baby diarrhea does not in fact taste like a big bag of baby diarrhea. I'd much rather have a nice glass of ice-cold pop, or maybe if I'm feeling frisky, some Ovaltine in soy milk.

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