Three Reasons Why Man of Steel Will Suck

1. No Fanfare



I understand the reasons. They want to distinguish the new film from the previous series - and, more specifically, the stillborn Superman Returns pseudo-sequel - in the strongest way possible. They want the new movie to come in clean, without any preconceptions. They didn't use Danny Elfman's fanfare in the Dark Knight movies, either, and those did just fine.

I understand the reasons, but that doesn't make them good reasons.

Used to be that adventure movies always had a memorable theme. Often these themes were composed by John Williams - Star Wars, Indiana Jones, E.T., Jurassic Park - but not always, as the example of Elfman's excellent score for the first Batman demonstrates. I'm betting you can hum all those themes from memory. I guess rousing fanfares of this kind just aren't seen as popular or as important anymore, because out of all the superhero and / or adventure films of the last decade and change, I can't recall a single memorable melody from the bunch. Elfman himself failed to deliver anything distinctive for the first Spider-Man series. Do you remember any kind of tune from the X-Men films? Or the Dark Knight trilogy? Or The Lord of the Rings? Or Harry Potter? I can sort of recall a kind of refrain from Alan Silvestri's score for The Avengers, but just barely. The most indelible musical moment from recent superhero films is, unfortunately, the AC/DC they play whenever Iron Man comes onscreen. (And can I just say while we're on the subject: how is Tony Stark liking AC/DC in such a conspicuous fashion not just the most offensive type of forced déclassé rich boy condescension I've ever seen? He listens to AC/DC, he's just like us! Git-R-Done!) The less said about this the better.

I don't need to waste any time telling you how iconic Williams' Superman fanfare is. If you're reading this blog you already know that. But eschewing Williams' theme in favor of what is sure to be some awesome, massively memorable minor-key drone that will play for thirty seconds over the credits before they stick on an obligatory Puddle of Mudd song from the soundtrack isn't just a bad idea, it's criminally stupid. For anyone making a Superman movie, inheriting the Williams score is like walking into the SAT and finding the first twenty bubbles already filled in correctly. It's like buying a new wallet and finding a crisp $50 bill inside. It's like getting audited so the government can give you a bigger refund. Even Smallville got that right. I'll say that again: even Smallville got that.

When I see the film, I am certain that I will be humming the Williams song in my head throughout. Hell, I should just put it on my iPod and listen to it on my headphones in the theater. Because that's how I roll, and I'm guessing that's how you roll too.

2. No Brunette

Hey Lois Lane, what color is your hair?











I know they've spent a lot of money on this movie - or at least, I thought they had. I can only surmise that the budget must have been tighter than reported if they ran out of money just before they sent an intern down to CVS to get a $10 box of hair dye. They probably had to bring brown bags from home for lunch.



3. The Cold, Dead Eyes of a Killer