Saturday, April 12, 2008

Doctor Doom’s Mailbag

Doom takes pride in answering all of his personal correspondence.

Dear Doctor Doom,

Here in the States everyone has been quite upset over some recent nasty comments attributed to you, spoken against Ms. Marvel during the Avengers' recent unsanctioned invasion of your sovereign soil. Considering the undue attention this matter has received, I was wondering if you would care to comment further.

All the best,

Doom is loathe to acknowledge mistakes of any kind - and those looking for him to err will have to look far and wide before finding an instance in which he was not, in fact, stymied by the cursed interference of his inferiors. Indeed, this occasion offers a perfect example: the only reason these ersatz Avengers were ever given pretence to invade the sovereign soil of Latveria was that a weapons system developed by Latveria for her own lawful defense was accidentally triggered due to a bungling misadventure on the part of those self-same Avengers. The incident is a regrettable example of the imperialistic American government's expansive disregard of international mores. It is certain that if an American weapons system had malfunctioned on foreign soil, the incident would be dismissed with a strained apology and crocodile tears on the part of a low-level diplomat. More than certain: we see this every time an American missile utilized in the so-called "War on Terror" "accidentally" levels an innocent wedding party in Afghanistan or Iraq.

Given the belligerent nature of the American military-industrial complex, headed as it is by a cabal of messianic war-mongers, it is not surprising that only the slimmest pretext was required before an attack on Latverian soil could be authorized. This is not even the first time this has happened in recent memory, although the most recent previous incident went unreported in the Western media, no doubt due to the pervasive anti-Latverian bias: there is the matter of former SHIELD head - and Bush administration catspaw - Nick Fury's unauthorized and unsanctioned recent invasion of this country. This occurred as the climax of his so-called "Secret War" against the interim government that rose to power during the time of my brief banishment to Hell by the cursed Reed Richards. It was indeed regrettable that this interim government entered the illegal arms market by supplying proprietary Latverian technology to American "super-villains": but those responsible for this lapse in decorum have been punished accordingly. More to the point, the actions of rogue factions in our government were taken as pretence for outright invasion, just as the regrettable incident of the so-called "Venom bomb" explosion in New York City was also seen as pretence for another unlawful invasion. It should be obvious to all that the current American government will stop at nothing to interfere with the internal affairs of sovereign nations with whom they disagree.

Point of fact: the original "Venom" organism was brought to the planet Earth through the actions of an American national, the vigilante Spider-Man. Point of fact: the Latverian weapons system malfunctioned as a result of hostile actions on the part of the latest iteration of Ultron, a malevolent android created by a founding member of the Avengers who has personally been responsible for the death of millions of innocent lives, including the entire country of Slorenia. Given the American's own propensity to set into motion such massively destructive events, is it any wonder that Latveria would act to insulate herself? How many deaths can directly be tied to Spider-Man's unwitting adoption of the original Venom symbiote, both on the part of Venom himself and his "children", a group which includes the mass-murderer and international terrorist Carnage? Why has Spider-Man never been held accountable for these deaths? Why has Henry Pym never been held accountable for Ultron's many atrocities? Given the American government's inability to deal with even these most basic violations of international law and common decency, is it any wonder Latveria would take aggressive steps to ensure her own safety and territorial integrity?

Although, as I have observed, Doom is loathe to acknowledge error or weakness, it must be noted that my words against Ms. Marvel were unnecessarily harsh and personal. Doom is many things, but he is no mere schoolyard bully. It does not take the proverbial "rocket scientist" (to use the degraded American vernacular) to see that any contemporary American woman, especially one whose costume consists of a one-piece bathing suit and thigh-high leather-boots - would be unduly sensitive in regards to her weight. There are no points given for hitting the easy target. But it was a long day, and Doom had not eaten in many hours: sometimes Doom is mildly hypoglycemic.

I tire of this endless barrage of idiocy.

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