Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Thots, Etc.

If Marvel made a cigarette lighter shaped like the Ultimate Nullifier, I'd be tempted to take up smoking.

So the television is clogged with ads for this new X-Men movie that's coming out at the end of the month. I know the nerd CW is that this one is going to suck, but I think it looks fun. As much as I can judge a film from the preview, it looks like they might have actually come fairly close to the superhero comic ideal hybrid of bathtub-methamphetamine action sections and shotgun melodrama. So what if it's a shambling mess? I'd much prefer a fun movie that makes no sense than a portentous, self-serious exercise in adolescent angst with a few perfunctory fights sprinkled throughout. I've heard people complaining that the new characters look lame and blah blah blah, but really, they don't have to bend over backwards to make me believe that the wings strapped to some pretty-boy actor's back are real. Just have everyone running around and hitting each other, throw in some explosions and a minimum of Claremontian exposition, and they'll do OK.

X-Men comics are pretty much the definition of "guilty pleasure" superhero comics, and at their best they represent the principle of cheap, fast and out of control at its zenith. At their worst they are about as fun as a sack of soggy raccoon corpses. If they can just put some zip into it, X-Men 3 will be better than either of its predecessors, as well as the Spider-Man movies, with their laughable Spider-Man / Christ metaphors.

It's not hard, people!

I'll bet you Warner Herzog could make a great X-Men movie.

To this day the only Marvel comics movie that I have any desire to see twice is the first Blade. Now that's a fun movie. Minimum of pretension. Quite a bit of action movie silliness, but it works. Blade had such low expectations to begin with that it wasn't hard to redefine the character for the screen, and the result was pretty fun. The sequels? Sadly, can't say the same . . .

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