Notable Links for 04/05

Sometimes I am really embarrassed by my own shortcomings. Although I try - I really do - to be meticulous with this blog, sometimes these things get out of hand. I think it has something to do with the rather massive size of some of these posts, there's so much information it's almost inevitable that something gets overlooked.

Well, that's no excuse.

Last Friday I posted an extended quote from this post by Adam over at Completely Futile on the subject of superheroes. He basically said something very smart and very germane to this ongoing discussion, only a lot more succinctly than I had so far managed to. However, I somehow forgot to link back to his blog. This is just bad form on my part, and I have no better excuse than to point out it was really late at night. I'll try not to let it happen again - and if it does, please call me on it!

Anyway, while we're on the subject, Adam has seen fit to extrapolate on his original comments here - and I have to say that for someone who doesn't think highly of his knowledge in this field he certainly seems to have a pretty firm grasp on the facts. Agree or disagree, it's necessary reading.

So, before you ask - No, I haven't seen "Hellboy." I want to, but right now it's just not in the cards. One of the absolute worst aspects of having moved to the Northeast is the fact that going to the movies is so damn expensive out here. I mean, seriously, the price of a matinee showing in Worcester is the price of an evening showing in Oklahoma or rural California. I have no choice but to balk at this - it's in my blood to be a cheap bastard. So, as much as I would like to see "Hellboy," I just can't justify paying the scalpers' prices in these parts. But, in any event, I wasn't that excited about it. For some reason "Hellboy" was just never my favorite book. I don't even have but a few random issues. Mignola's work never appealed to me like it obviously did for so many others. I actually like that issue of "X-Force" he did better than just about anything else I've seen of his.

I'm going to get it for that one, aren't I?

But I’m hardly surprised it was able to beat “Walking Tall.” The Rock may be slightly charismatic but – come on – this is “Walking Tall” here. Even if the Rock isn’t actually playing Buford T. Pusser in this film, it’s still basically crap. I could have told you that before you spent $60 million to make it.

* Late breaking news: Crossgen's Bill Rosemann has resigned from his position as Senior V.P. of Operataions for the beleaguered company. The Pulse has the scoop here. Newsarama has the story here.

* "POLICE have frozen a $75,000 superannuation death payout for murder victim Lyndsay van Blanken as part of their investigation. The Daily Telegraph can exclusively reveal that one of the two men in her life was named as the beneficiary of the 'death payment' stipulated in Ms van Blanken's super plan. But after the 18-year-old Walt Disney cartoonist disappeared in November, police seized her superannuation records and froze her bank account.
Her body was found in January stuffed inside a cricket bag under a block of flats in Queens Park." Read more here, courtesy of The Australian.

* "The editor in chief and managing editor of a student newspaper at Carnegie Mellon University are considering resigning after the newspaper ran a comic strip that contained a racial slur. Alex Meseguer, editor in chief of The Tartan, will temporarily suspend the newspaper's operations in light of the publication's April Fool's Day edition, which not only contained the controversial comic strip, but also included depiction of female genitalia and poems about rape and mutilation." Read more here, courtesy of NEPA News. Meanwhile, the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review examines the story here.

* Courtesy of Neil Gaiman, we have the disturbing matter of The Academy of Art University in San Francisco taking a rather disturbing stand on the matter of violence in school - ie, expelling a student for writing a violent story and banning a violent David Foster Wallace story from the syllabus. Gaiman originally brought the matter to the attention of the collective blogosphere here, courtesy of a letter from Mr. Lemony Snicket himself, Daniel Handler. The issue has been reported by the San Francisco Chronicle here. In any event, if you live in the Bay Area I'd encourage you to make your support known in this issue - the First Amendment needs all the friends it can get.

But seriously, the only violence David Foster Wallace has ever inspired in me is the desire to fling the book across the room - but that's just me.

* "The nephew of Walt Disney has revealed he is to step up his campaign to oust the beleaguered chief executive of the multi-billion dollar company that gave the world some of its most enduring cartoon characters. Roy Disney, 73, quit the board of Disney last year after a clash with Michael Eisner, the company's chief executive. The two, who have each made $1 billion (£541 million) from the company, have been locked in a power struggle ever since, with Disney successfully forcing Eisner to stand down as the company's chairman at a shareholders' meeting last month. But Eisner, who has been blamed for the collapse in Disney's fortunes, remains as chief executive. Speaking in a BBC3 documentary to be screened tomorrow Roy Disney, who claims in the documentary he was fired, said: 'I told them at the time they might be sorry they did that, and I intend to make them sorry they did that.'" Read more here, courtesy of Mickey News.

The programme also quotes him as saying: "The company is rapacious and soulless and always looking for a quick buck, which is leading to a loss of public trust."


* Potentially the biggest news to come out of the gate in the past few days was the formation of ICAA - the International Comic Art Association. It's a trade organization - yes, folks, an honest-to-Gosh trade organization in an industry that desperately needs an (effective) organization just like this. James Sime has the skinny here, courtesy of Comic Book Resources.

* OK, as you know I usually try to avoid linking to subscription-only content, but Publisher's Weekly makes it hard to resist: they've got an article on the recent "Shonene Jump" in school brouhaha here, with quotes from the magazine's publisher (Viz) as well.

* "Editors Gary Spencer Millidge, Smoky Man, and Omar Martini are proud to announce that the charity tribute book, Alan Moore: Portrait of an Extraordinary Gentleman, has raised a figure approaching $37,000.00 (US) for Alzheimer's charities. 'Alan Moore: Portrait of an Extraordinary Gentleman' is a massive 352-page trade paperback featuring mostly all-new contributions in celebration of British comics-writing legend, Alan Moore's 50th birthday." The Pulse has the press release here.

* "Representing the '21st century Copyright Consideration Group,' Mangaka Fujiko Fujio and Satonaka Machiko visited Japanese Prime Minister Koizumi on March 30th with a petition to have manga lending rates imposed on manga-renting libraries. The group is seeking a reform to the Japanese copyright act that would set royalty fees for the lending of manga and other printed material in the same was that royalty fees are applied to the lending of Music CDs and other media. The Prime Minister stated that he enjoyed reading Tetsuwan Atom and Shonen Kenya and pointed out that he felt Intellectual copyright to be a very serious matter." Read more here, courtesy of Anime News Network.

* "A library in Toyama Prefecture now holds the entire collection of the Doraemon comic series, most of which was donated by a professor studying the famous robot cat "manga" hero, library officials said Monday. The Takaoka City Library in Takaoka opened the collection, which contains 1,344 versions, to the media on Monday. The library, which has been closed since January, will reopen at a new location on Tuesday." Read more here, courtesy of Japan Today.



* Matt Maxwell over at Broken Frontier has a few bones to pick with the constant, tiresome retreads that pass for "relaunches" in this industry. Of particular interest to longtime readers of this blog:

"Original work takes chances that franchises could never take and they can succeed far beyond franchises (not to mention grab readers who won’t feel it necessary to bone up on thirty years of back history to enjoy the work.) The toybox is a lot of fun to play with, no doubt. But the fact of the matter is that there’s only a couple hundred toys to play with, and some of ‘em are looking pretty shopworn by now. Sure, some new toys would be nice. But a new game altogether? Now that would be welcome."

Now doesn't that make sense? Makes me wish Mark Greuenwald was alive to add his two cents.

* Courtesy of Ninth Art, Alex Dueben takes a look at modern superhero comics and tries to parse just why he's uninterested in the genre here.

* The San Francisco Chronicle takes a look at upstart Japanese-import publisher Vertical Inc - publisher of Osamu Tezuka's "Buddha" - here.

* "A watercolour representation of a dghajsa tal-latini by the late Maltese cartoonist Alfred Gerada has been described as 'a creative masterpiece' by Chris Agius Sultana, a fine art sculpture and architectural restorer. Mr Agius Sultana bought the painting recently without knowing who the artist actually was. The dghajsa tal-latini was a traditional boat equipped with lateen sails used regularly for the carrying of foodstuffs and livestock between Malta and Gozo before the advent of mechanical propulsion. The painting is signed 'Gerada' and dated 1936. Mr Agius Sultana was not aware that Mr Gerada had been such a prolific painter, apart from a refined illustrator." Read more here, courtesy of the Times of Malta.



* Joey Manley takes a look at the state of modern webcomics from a business point of view here.

* I didn't know that Top Shelf Comics' website was posting brand-new content by cartoonists such as Josue Menjivar, Nate Beaty, Martin Cendreda, Andrew Brandou. Farel Dalrymple, Rob Goodin, Gregory Benton and Scott Malin, did you? Catch up on the fun here.

* Courtesy of Artbomb, we have news that the disparate worlds of comics and hip-hop are finally coming together. All Hip-Hop has the story behind Mike & Mark Davis' "Blokhedz" here.

* Johanna Draper Carlson has updated her Comics Worth Reading site with a pile of new reviews, including looks at books such as "Angel of the Woods" by Seán Michael Wilson and Jorge Heufemann, Bosch Fawstin's "Table for One" and John Ira Thomas and Jeremy Smith's "Zoo Force," New Tokyopop releases such as "Ai Yori Aoshi" and "I.N.V.U.," and an in-depth review of Oni Press' "Last Exit Before Toll."

* " The Cartoon Museum has a new home. The museum had its grand opening Thursday in Ticonderoga in Essex County, a few miles north of its former home in the town of Hague in neighboring Warren County. Stan Burdick, the museum's owner, said the museum houses hundreds of signed originals and prints of comics, cartoons, and fantasy art. The museum features everything from comic books to editorial cartoons. The museum also has an original work by C.M. Coolidge, the artist from northern New York who created the painting known as 'Dogs Playing Poker.'" Read more here, courtesy of The Champlain Channel.

* "As comics and cartoon imagery enter mainstream culture, they provide a vehicle for critique in a postmodern world. They continue a narrative tradition (for example, Disney characters and fairy tales) at a time when computer-generated systems of non-linear thinking are emerging and epitomize the accessibility and disposability of our times. Cartoons and comics have emerged as a universal language, providing immediately recognizable cultural icons that appeal to the instant gratification lying at the center of consumer culture. They have become a vehicle for cultural transmission and hybridization in an increasingly homogenized world." This is the thesis behind Western Washington University's upcoming Western Gallery exhibit, "Comic Release: Negotiating Identity for a New Generation", which will show from April 5th to May 28th. For more information on the show, please go here (scroll down a bit). Link courtesy of Kevin at Thought Balloons.

* "The Michigan State University Comic Art Collection was beginning to gain prominence in the early 1970s, when it ran into its own version of the 'Green Goblin.' In one fell swoop, the goblin slipped the first issue of 'The Amazing Spider-Man' into a coat, dashed out of the basement of the Main Library and sold it to a local used bookstore. University librarians never again saw that copy, which now is valued at about $25,000 in near-mint condition. Randy Scott, MSU's comic art bibliographer who joined the Main
Library a few years after the incident, said the library now has a facsimile of the comic, but the original has been elusive." Read more about the library here, courtesy of the Lansing State Journal.

* "So. Is God a decadent aesthete with no neck who subsists upon the immoral syllabub of our pain? That's what 'Red Jack' is selling in Doom Patrol #23-24. There's a long-standing tradition in superhero comics of introducing 'omnipotent' figures and then demolishing their divine pretensions with Quaker theological jujitsu--no person or entity can truthfully claim to be God, because 'God is love' (John 4:8), and love doesn't make any claims. 'The House that Jack Built' is the Galactus story all over again, only better, because it is stripped of the misplaced awe that mars Jack Kirby's vision of the planet-eating solipsist. If God actually existed as an individuated personality, he/she/it would be indistinguishable from Marilyn Manson." David Fiore over at Motime Like The Present continues his borderline-obsessive (but never less than compelling) reconstruction of Grant Morrison's deconstructionist run on "Doom Patrol" here.

* Mike Sterling over at Progressive Ruin is just having too much fun for my comfort.

* Graeme McMillan is not afraid of loving Kirby's "Super Powers" books - and he want to tell you why here, courtesy of Broken Frontier.

* Also at Broken Frontier - Shawn Hoke takes a look at Ron Rege's "Skibber Bee Bye" here.

* Hey, what's up with this? Broken Frontier is posting all kinds of cool stuff - including the continuing saga of Steve Higgins' recent lecture feature starring Jeffrey Brown, Paul Hornschemeier, and Matt Kindt. Read about how he advertised the event here.

* "In the spring of 1973, the Topps Chewing Gum Company manufactured a line of trading cards that were advertising parodies known as Wacky Packages. To learn more about "Weakies -- The Breakfast of Chumps" and 'Cap'n Crud Cereal,' log on to www.wackypackages.org. This collector's paradise is run by Greg Grant, and he has images from all 16 Wacky Pack series available for viewing on the website." Some of the artists featured in the Wacky Packages history include Art Spiegelman, Jay Lynch, Kim Deitch, and Norman Saunders. Read more here, courtesy of News 24 Houston.

* The Jerusalem Post takes a look at Peter Kuper's adaption of Kafka's "Metamorphosis" as well as Will Eisner's recent "Fagin The Jew" here.

* "When the curtain goes up at city-based cartoonist Shi Da Phadnis' exhibition in the city on April 8, be prepared for a laugh riot. More so because Phadnis is organising an exhibition after 20 long years! The popular 78-year-old is a record-breaker of sorts. Sample this. He has been untiringly sketching the cover of the Diwali special Mohini for 52 straight years now, his first cover having appeared way back in 1952 (see picture)! If that is not enough, his cover for the state government's class one math text book is in its 25th year now. Every year, an estimated 35 lakh copies of the book are printed." Read more here, courtesy of The Times of India.

* Strangely enough, the Cleveland Plain Dealer has an article about the new "Doom Patrol" relaunch. Odd... wait, who's the writer? Michael Sangiacomo? Why is that name familiar... Read the article here.

* "The St. John the Baptist Library in LaPlace has a selection of graphic novel available for check out by patrons. Graphic novels look like a comic book, but is a stand-alone story that is published as a book. The story is told through the use of frame-by-frame drawings with inked dialoque. The books are shelved with the Young Adult paperback novels on a special shelf marked 'Graphic Novels.' Titles currently available are: 'Mystic,' by Ron Marz; 'Negation: Bohica,' by Tony Bedard; 'Ruse,' by Mark Waid; 'Meridian,' by Barbara Kesel; and 'The Path,' by Ron Marz." Sterling examples of the medium, those. Read more here, courtesy of the New Orleans Times Picayune.

* OK, this is for the peanut-gallery: a real-life physics professor explains just why Gwen Stacy had to die. read about it here, courtesy of Voice of America.

* Johnny Bacardi sure didn't like "Avengers/JLA" - no Sir he did not.



Travels With Larry Part I

So apparently AiT/Planet Lar publisher Larry Young decided it was time to see if maybe he could drum up some support for his products in the Greater Blogosphere. A number of us seem to have responded to a recent query of his - an open call, really - for any blogger or columnist to try out any Ait/Planet Lar books they might want to see. I saw the call and quite honestly I sat on it for a couple days, unsure whether or not I should respond. I mean, in all honesty, I knew about the company but I didn't really have any experience with their product. I had bought the collection of Warren Ellis' 'Come In Alone" columns but that was about it - and I hardly think that could be considered a representative book in any event. Did I have any interest in reviewing any of these books?

But finally, the clarion call of the new was too much for me to resist. I wrote Mr. Young a polite e-mail telling him that I was for the most part unfamiliar with the books he produced but that I was very interested in sampling some if I possibly could. He wrote back fairly quickly to tell me that there was a package on the way. During our brief conversation, it was revealed that he used to work at the comic store where I do most of my shopping these days - That's Entertainment in Worcestor, MA. It's a small world.

Well, I have to say I was quite surprised when the package arrived. For one, it arrived very quickly - within 48 hours. It's important to note that I'm about as far from San Francisco as one can be while still remaining within the contiguous United States. For another, he sent me a lot of books. I was expecting a couple, perhaps a few. I was also not planning on seeing them anytime soon. The fact that not only did the books arrive promptly but there were many books told me in very frank terms that Mr. Young was very eager to make friends.

Which makes a lot of sense, when you think about it.

It's no secret that Marvel doesn't send out any of their books to critics. With the exception of maybe a few major media outlets, it just doesn't happen, and you've got a better chance of getting a collected "Big Numbers" than getting on Marvel's comp list. While many grouse and complain, it only makes sense. If 2 out of every 3 comics sold in this country are Marvel (or some ridiculous number like that) why should they have to put any more effort than the bare minimum towards selling their wares in a captive market?

Folks like Larry Young face a different equation. Because of the market realities - which could kindly be termed "harsh" - independent comic publishers have to do everything they can to get their products in front of as many people as possible. What did he lose by sending me a bunch of product? Well, chances are that if I had never bought an AiT/Planet Lar book in the past, I might never buy one in the future. So, he's not stealing from himself. For the price of shipping and a handful of comp books he might end up selling who knows how many books in the long run, both to me and anyone who's paying attention to this blog (or anything else I might be writing for).

I think, based upon what I already know and what I've seen of the books I've been sent, that Larry Young is one of the best kind of publishers in the business. He publishes what he wants to read - pure and simple. Despite his somewhat gruff public image, he seems genuine in his desire to publish Good Comics. He doesn't seem like the type - and his company's output bears the weight of this theory - to publish obvious crap for the sake of selling more books, or to publish faddish titles to chase different fleeting audiences. I think it would be fairly easy, looking at a healthy cross-section of AiT/Planet Lar books, to get a handle on Larry Young as a publisher and as a comics fan, by the same token that you could probably get a good feel for Gary Groth and Kim Thompson's tastes by a quick scan of the Fantagraphics roster. There's a uniformity to the line that is appealing, a sense that all the books, even if they come from dozens of different creators, come from the same place and are reflective of the same attitudes.

There is something very egalitarian about the line, almost DIY.

Everyone is saying that more books should be produced as original graphic novels - that the "floppy" is a dying format - that superheroes are a dying genre - and that manga is the future. But no one even slightly close to the mainstream seems to be doing anything about it. You have Marvel saying that it's just not cost effective to produce their titles in graphic novel format. You have DC, which has to front-load their OGN's as expensive hardcovers in order to break even. And then you have tiny little AiT/Planet Lar, which seems to have no problems at all with producing OGNs at a reasonable price. That's impressive. I doubt they're making the kind of money they Marvel and DC are, but just the fact that they're doing it at all is really impressive to me. There's something so very satisfying about getting a nice thick hunk of book in your hand for a nice price, and on this level I think AiT/Planet Lar delivers one of the best bargains in the business.

Now, are the books themselves any good? That's an interesting question. While the line as a whole seems to be built on solid foundations and to reflect a comfortably unified aesthetic, the actual content of the books themselves is still the most important element. In the coming days I'll be exploring the line - travelling with Larry through the best and the worst of what his company has to offer. I think it should be pretty interesting.

Notbale Links for 04/02

Hope everyone enjoyed the "April Fools" day content yesterday. Unlike many of my fellow bloggers, I didn't post a practical joke as such, but I hope everyone got a kick out of seeing an in-depth report on "Secret Wars II", of all things! Laura "Tegan" Gjovaag at Bloggity-Blog-Blog Blog does a pretty good job of highlighting all the jokes across the blogosphere here - but come on, doesn't twenty typed pages on "Secret Wars II" count as a joke?

I even seem to have inspired some inter-Blogosphere lovin' of my own. Mark Hale, owner & proprietor of Chaos Monkey's Abysmal Pit, was so inspired by my weirdo nostalgia that he was inspired to alter one of those covers I posted yesterday. It's funny, it really is. Maybe I would have showed some more of what actually went on inside those wacky books if I had had the opportunity - there are some real winners - but most of my comics are actually in storage in California. I wrote that whole thing from memory - pretty pathetic, no?

On a more disturbing note, it seems as if my reading comprehension skills are also abysmal. The last few days there has been some discussion over the future of indie distributor Cold Cut in the wake of Tokyopop's exclusivity deal with Diamond. Well, there was some misunderstanding whether or not this was actually bad for Cold Cut, and whether or not this would affect the back-end distribution in which Cold Cut specializes. Well, for me, Brett Warnock at Top Shelf, and everyone else across the myriad message boards and blogs, the answer seems to be fairly simple. Someone wrote in and told me to examine the actual original story posted at ICV2 - so I did. We were wrong, it is a bad thing for Cold Cut, and uniquivicably so - considering that Tokyopop hadn't even informed Cold Cut of the deal before the news broke online. Cold Cut doesn't sell any Tokyopop anymore - period. Seems as if we all need to go back to school, folks, because its pretty plain. That's the last time I listen to the peanut gallery!

* "Hobby shop owner Douglas Karsten, 44, of 525 W. Deerpath in Lake Forest, was arrested March 25 after he sold adult magazines to a child under age 18, said Michael Vukson, commander of investigations of the Lake Forest Police Department.

"Vukson said a parent called to complain March 11 that her 12-year-old son had bought Playboy magazine at Doug's Hobby Connection, located at 950 N. Western Ave. in Lake Forest, that day. On March 24 police asked the same boy to purchase another adult magazine from the store. After the youngster came out with an issue of Penthouse magazine, police issued a warrant for Karsten's arrest before arresting him the next day.

"Police seized more than 30 different adult magazine titles from the store and charged Karsten with two counts of distribution of harmful material. After he was arrested, Karsten posted a $2,000 bond pending an April 12 court date in Waukegan.

"If convicted, the misdemeanor carries a maximum fine of $2,500 and up to one year in jail, said Vukson.

"State law makes it illegal to sell pornographic magazines to anyone under the age of 18.

"Karsten said he opened the hobby and gaming shop 15 months ago to sell comic books, sports cards and other games to both adults and children. He began selling adult magazines after mostly college-age customers would request to see a catalogue that contained listings for collectible comic books and the magazines." Read more here, courtesy of the Pioneer Press.

* "The annual Small Press & Alternative Comics Expo (SPACE) will be held from 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. at the Holiday Inn Columbus East (I-70 and Hamilton Road). Guests will include David Sim and Gerhard, creators of Cerebus." Read more here, courtesy of This Week Ohio. If you want more information on SPACE, go here.

* "Southwest Missouri State University is once again being accused of stifling free speech on campus. The controversy involves a cartoon meant to poke fun at a common Thanksgiving tradition. The faculty advisor and student editor of The Standard, the campus newspaper at Southwest Missouri State, are being investigated by the school and threatened with punishment for publishing an editorial cartoon that an American Indian group found 'offensive' and a 'form of harassment.' The cartoon, printed on November 21, 2003, and labeled 'The 2nd Thanksgiving,' depicts two Indians meeting a pilgrim woman with a gift of canned corn. The pilgrim responds: 'Gladys, the Indians are here and it looks like they brought corn ... again.'" The article can be found here, courtesy of Agape Press. Read the offending strip here.

* "Marvel Enterprises, Inc., (NYSE: MVL) a global character-based entertainment licensing company, has recently signed agreements that effectively consolidate its licenses into single marquee partners for the underwear, candy and costume categories. These new arrangements represent Marvel's strategic approach to category management whereby Marvel seeks to enhance the caliber of its partners while expanding the marketing and promotional support for its product lines, resulting in higher returns to all parties. The license partners include Hanes apparel for underwear, R.M. Palmer for confection and Disguise in the costume category. Marvel is currently evaluating several other categories in which to pursue similar broad partnerships." Read the press release here, courtesy of Business Wire.



* Sequential Tart has updated their site, with a report on this year's Alternative Press Expo, an interview with "WJHC" creator Jane Fisher, a more nuanced travelogue of APE, a new column by Ms. Deanna Lytle examining gender issues in the communications field, an examination of the recent "spandex vs. leather" debate by Mr. Kirk Boxleitner, and an article by Ms. Kim DeVries on the trials and tribulations of teaching Warren Ellis' "Transmetropolitan" at MIT.

* "Studying the 'magazine-cover curse' is a favorite pastime of many a market analyst. The idea is that by the time a phenomenon or a person reaches magazine-cover status, it's often all downhill from there. Such may be the case with Japan's war against currency traders. Only, the yen isn't experiencing the curse of the magazine cover, but of the comic-book cover. Loads of salarymen riding Tokyo's subway system are reading an unlikely 'manga' comic series on Japan's yen sales. Part of the popular 'Golgo 13' action-hero serial, it spins a sinister tale of U.S. officials pressuring the Bank of Japan to buy dollars. The reason: To avoid a meltdown in the world's biggest economy." Read more here, courtesy of Bloomburg.com.


* Newsarama talks with Ian Edgington about his Crossgen experiences here.

* While you're there, Newsarama also talks with animator-turned-cartoonist Michael Gagne about his upcoming "Parables: An Anthology" here.

* Daniel Epstein over at UnderGround Online chats with Image publisher and "Savage Dragon" creator Erik Larsen here.

* The Comics Journal has updated their main page with the skinny on the forthcoming Winter 2004 Special Edition - I'm drooling already, I tell you. If you, like me, can't wait, then you can take solace in this preview of the comic strip portion, a strip by none other than Mr. Gilbert Hernandez.

* They've also got a new edition of Dogsbody up over there - and this week Daniel Holloway sticks it to Sonny Liew's "Malinky Robot: Stinky Fish Blues," Farel Dalrymple's "Pop Gun War," Ben T. Steckler's "Get Bent" #10 and Tom Manning's "Runoff" #2-#5.

* There was a new edition of The Beat at The Pulse this week... but not a lot of interest therein, save for news of a new Colleen Doran documentary, and a few scant details about Compgate II.

* So, Tony Millionaire's "Maakies" was pulled by 23 papers for the use of the word "boner." Or, at least it would have been if it weren't - APRIL FIRST. Link courtesy of the Journal board.

* OK, I don't think I'm alone in just not getting what Alan David Doane is saying today. It's good to see him back, but it's not good that I can't really understand what's going on here. Looks like some kind of find/replace exercise but I'll be damned if I can figure out of what... thought it might be one of Dave Sim's "Tangent" pieces but I skimmed through the whole essay and didn't see this passage. I'll be damned if I know what's up.

* Bill Sherman at Pop Culture Gadabout doesn't know what to make of these new-fangled "X-Men" all the kids are talking about these days...

* Austrailia's Age profiles turntablist extraordinaire and part-time cartoonist Kid Koala here.

* Flat Earth gets zapped by Mr. Mxyzptlk!!!Oh no! Now we have to get Billy to say his name backwards or the Family Circus will never leave...

* Over at Newsarama, Ryan McLelland takes a look at something quite possibly more horrifying than even "Secret Wars II"... that's right - Rob Liefeld's "Captain America." At least he only paid a quarter for it...

* "Jeffrey Brown, Paul Hornschemeier, and Matt Kindt will be giving a 'Special Lecture on the Graphic Narrative' (that's what the flyer says: three people, one lecture) at the Dr. John D. Stull Performing Arts Center at Olney Central College, Olney, IL on Friday, Apr. 2 (tomorrow) at 1 PM." I mentioned this before but if you're in town it can't hurt to mention it again - link courtesy Adam Stephanides at the Journal board.


* I did not know that Jordan Crane was doing a weekly serialized strip for Reddingk - but now, thanks to the Journal board, I do.

* Erick Hogan interviews Xeric-award winner Neil Kleid ("Ninety Candles") in this week's Open Your Mouth at Comic book Resources.

* Courtesy of Poopsheet: News, we have word of the forthcoming Providence Zine Fest. The fest will be from 11-5 on Saturday, April 24th. Sounds fun... if you want more info, go here.

* "Books are great but require a lot of dedication, magazines are easy reads but can lack the substance of books, and newspaper subscriptions are hard to keep up with during a busy quarter. Lost all hope? Try comics. They can have the emotional depth of a book, the visual appeal and readability of a magazine, and like episodes of 'The Simpsons,' never get boring. The world of comics goes beyond spandex-clad superheroes and daily newspaper strips. It encompasses everything you could ever find in a movie - from humor to emotional turmoil to plots that leave you sitting on the edge of the seat." Read more here, courtesy of the California Aggie.

* "Robert Sarnoff, noted local artist and [Rockaway, NY] Wave editorial cartoonist will soon be honored by the United States Postal Service by having his painting of a Rockaway jetty used as a cancellation cachet that will be postmarked at the Rockaway Beach Post Office." Read more here, courtesy of the Rockaway Wave.


* "For nearly half a century, Irene Ford Henschel thought it was no laughing matter to help her husband, Robert, haul his childhood comic books around the country to follow his career as an aircraft engineer. 'He was definitely a pack rat. I was a farm girl and didn't want to save too much because you had to keep it clean,' she said. 'We packed up the crystal, the china -- our wedding gifts -- and the comic books. Every time,' she said. They moved from Michigan to California (twice), to Atlanta (also twice) and finally to Wichita 23 years ago. But she'll have the last laugh Saturday when 121 of her late husband's more than 300 vintage comics from the 1930s and 1940s go on the auction block. He died in 1999 at age 75, three months short of their 50th wedding anniversary. Read more here, courtesy of Kansas.com.

* Strong Bad has answered his 100th e-mail (link courtesy of Homestarrunner.com).

* Eve Tushnet again replies to my reply to her... you know, every time we go around about this, I start to get really frustrated and hope this is my last word on the subject... but when people are as polite, thoughtful and courteous and Ms. Tushnet its hard to get too upset about it.

She might be on to something when she points out that a more recent convert to the world of spandex fiction might be much more accustomed to lend the books some slack than a lifelong devotee such as myself. Again, I find myself agreeing with her for the most part. If you look into things with that kind of hindsight, being able to cherry pick the good and the great from the decades of mediocre and crap product that many of us have been exposed to - well, I suppose it'd be hard not to see a genre of limitless expectations. But the sad fact is I've just read too many comic books. I have been reading comic books since I was just a wee lad - growing up on Barks before I ever got to the spandex books, but taking to the spandex like a duck to the water. When I think of super-hero comics I don't think of "Watchmen" or "Animal Man," I think of "Secret Wars II." The fact is, that's what the fans want. That's what the companies want to produce - crap. Crap is uncontroversial, crap keeps the status quo, crap creates the illusion of change when it's really just trademarks moving around on a chessboard.

Perhaps, if we lived in some sort of perfect world, these would not be insurmountable obstacles. Eve is right to point out Sturgeon's Law - the bit about the 95% or whatever being crap. Well, the difference when you're applying Sturgeon's Law to superhero books is that the market has dwindled to such that crap is all the market wants. If you ask the average moviegoer whether or not they'd rather see a good movie or a crap movie, most will tell you they want to see a good movie. Same with novels, music, theater, dance... any art you can mention. Crap is produced, and crap sells, but there's at least the ghost of a definition of good and bad. In superhero comics, its not like that. The fanbase is so small and warped that their standard of what is really good has nothing to do with what any sane person might actually think is good or bad. It has to do with strange standards of reality of which you seem to be blissfully ignorant. This is the reality of the mainstream comics industry. They want to spend the rest of their lives replicating either Claremont & Byrne's "Uncanny X-Men" or Moore's "Swamp Thing" - and mostly it's the former.

Which is why I was not surprised by the post-Morrison X-Books. "New X-Men" was fun, but it was a lark. If they could have possibly reinvigorated the franchise without resorting to Morrison, they would have done so in a heartbeat - because taking the chance to publish something that might be good is taking the chance to publish something that might be controversial or unpalatable to the baby birds of fandom. As I've said all along, if it were possible to separate the truly good works from the bad - to slice out a corner of the medium to actually explore the "genre of ethics" - I would leap at the chance. But it's just not possible. Good books are the exception, not the rule, and furthermore, they are an unwelcome exception - unwelcome to the fanboys who consume the majority of the books and pay the bills and unwelcome to the corporations who would be just as happy never publishing anything more challenging than "Spidey Super Stories."

Sometimes good stuff is produced. Sometimes - very rarely - but sometimes you actually get a whiff of the same kind of revelatory freedom Siegel and Shuster must have felt. But, I stand by what I've said: the genre is limiting. Genres are interesting in inverse proportion to the generic constraints placed on them. If you look at all the constraints behind mainstream superhero books, it's enough to make you despair that anything decent and worthwhile will ever come out of the genre. The fact that good things do occasionally... well, that's just a minor miracle.

So, yes, you could say my experience has biased me. I've seen too much that cannot be unseen. The industry is a steaming cesspool of stagnant ideations and retarded memes. The people who buy the vast majority of books want nothing more than what they've been buying since they were twelve. The genre wears the chains it has forged these past forty years, and it has no one but itself to blame that it can no longer move.

On this topic, I came across this post by Adam at Completely Futile which I seem to have missed the other day when it was originally posted. There's a lot of good stuff here, but the real money quote is this:

"This isn't to say that superhero comics don't offer anything that superhero movies don't. They do: they offer elaborate multi-hero universes, endless soap-operatic plotlines, and continuity stretching back decades, which movies can't match. But these features have no intrinsic link to superheroes: it's historical contingency which explains why superhero comics came to display these features, rather than, say, funny-animal comics. I'd go so far as to say that it is these features, rather than superheroes per se, which are the real attraction of superhero comics for their current readers. To back up this assertion, or even to make it plausible, would take another and longer post. But as a small piece of supporting evidence, I'll point to the persistent failure of comics like Batman Adventures, which are intended to be general reader-friendly, and so steer clear of these features, in the direct sales market."

Not only is he right, but he says it much more succinctly than I have so far been able to. Perhaps the great Platonic ideal of the superhero has great potential, but the superhero as he exists now does not. And I don't believe anyone who doesn't have an obsessive interest in the latter will care about the former.

Notable Links for 04/01

First, I'd like to answer some reader mail. Regarding the conversation these last few days over the repercussions of Tokyopop going exclusive with Diamond in the direct market, Top Shelf Publishing's own Brett Warnock writes in with clarification of the situation:

"I'm pretty certain that this 'exclusive' is primarily in regards to the book trade, and the front-end market in the direct market. That is, since Cold Cut is essentially a back-order outfit for the direct market only, I don't believe there is a conflict of interest."

I hope that answers any questions anyone might have had. Seems it wasn't that bad a deal by Cold Cut after all.

* "A political comic in a magazine handed out at an event organized by the Queen’s Palestinian Human Rights association last fall was interpreted as anti-Semitic by Sara Berger, president of Queen’s Hillel. Members of the association, however, said they never intended to promote anti-Semitism on campus. 'At an event at the beginning of the year they were handing out the Washington Report magazine, which had a section in the middle with comics that were anti-Semitic,' Berger told the Journal. 'There were portrayals of Jews with big noses [and] stars on their arms, holding money bags.' Ali Al Nasser, vice-president of the Palestinian Human Rights association at Queen’s, said the comics were misunderstood." Read more here, courtesy of the Queens Journal.

* Amateur cartoonist and photographer Ray Ueno has died at age 68. Read more here, courtesy of Stars & Stripes.

* "Renowned cartoonist R K Laxman, journalist Kuldip Nayar, former Governor Karan Singh, eminent diplomat L M Singvi and Justice M M Ismail were among other personalities awarded by Jayendra Saraswati Swami of Kanchi Kamakoti Peetam, here on Wednesday, for outstanding performances in their fields. Though Laxman, who is ailing, was not present, his grand daughter Mahalaxmi Laxman received the award on his behalf. The girl presented to the pontiff a portrait of the senior pontiff of the mutt with the 'common man' offering pranam, drawn by her grandfather, as a mark of respect." Read more here, courtesy of the Times of India.

* "The actors who provide the voices for the cartoon characters on the long-running TV show 'The Simpsons' have stopped work in a bid to force a settlement of lengthy contract renewal talks, Daily Variety has reported.
The Hollywood trade paper said the six actors have not shown up for two script readings in the past few weeks, holding up production on the hit satire's upcoming 16th season. It quoted insiders as saying each cast member is asking for about $360,000 (195,460 pounds) an episode, or $8 million for a 22-episode season. Each member currently earns $125,000 an episode." Read more here, courtesy of Reuters.co.uk.

* Courtesy of SIlver Bullet Comics, we have the news that DC's "Catwoman" has won this year's award for "Outstanding Comic Book" at the GLAAD (Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation) Awards. Read more here.

* "The Kentucky Derby Festival announced that 'Cathy' cartoonist Cathy Guisewite will be grand marshal of the 49th annual Pegasus Parade April 29 in Louisville, Ky. A 'Cathy' character balloon will also appear." Read more here, courtesy of Editor & Publisher.

* "March 31, 2004, Marc Hansen and Barry Petersen have been named as additions to the Board of Directors of NOW Media Group, Inc. according to NOW Comics founder Tony Caputo. 'As shareholders, both of these excellent gentlemen will have voting rights at the annual board meeting, scheduled at the end of each calendar year,' Caputo said. 'Both also have a minority stake in NOW Media Group, Inc. an Illinois corporation, which owns NOW Comics as an imprint and trademark.'" The Pulse has the press release here.

* Steven Grant answers reader mail at Permanent Dmaage this week.

* I don't usually, as you know, post to movie stuff, but this article on the "Hellboy" flick from the North Carolina Times I found to be very interesting.

* Courtesy of Newsarama, we have the winners of this year's Diamond Gem Awards here.

* Richard Johnston talks to ex-Crossgen writer Ian Edgington in this week's Waiting For Tommy (link courtesy of Dynamic Forces). There's also a rather... surreal... Q&A with Joe Quesada tacked onto the end. I guess he's just trying to make up for his previous disaster of a Quesada interview. Anyway, one quote in particular jumped out at me - in reference to the possibility of spin-offs from the popular "1602" mini-series:

"...but like many of our franchises, slow growth, slow growth and more slow growth.

To which I can only reply:


















MARVEL COMICS: Moderation is Our Middle Name

* "I-Pods, Gap jeans, McHappy meals -- John Gallant didn't have any of those as a boy growing up on Prince Edward Island. In fact, as he makes abundantly clear in his new memoir, Gallant didn't have much of anything. Bannock, Beans and Black Tea, the title of Gallant's first book published by Drawn & Quarterly, is the story of a dirt-poor childhood. One thing that sets Gallant's memoir apart is the fact that his son provided illustrations for the book. While Gallant still calls his boy Gregory, the rest of the world knows him as Seth, the author of such graphic novels as It's a Good Life, If You Don't Weaken, and an illustrator for such magazines as The New Yorker. (Seth, 41, legally changed his name when he was in his late teens and was into the Toronto punk scene.) Another thing that distinguishes the book is its bitter litany of deprivation. One grim story after another accumulates to form an angry howl at life's injustice." Read more here, courtesy of The Globe and Mail.

* Kevin over at Thought Balloons has news of the Attorney General of Rhode Island, who is hanging a Stan Lee quote over the entrance to the state office building where he works. Unfortunately, it's not "Goddamn, how about a show with a stripper who fights crime? The kids would like that one, wouldn't they?" Here's the link, courtesy of the Providence Journal (registration required).

* Mike Sterling over at Progressive Ruin may not be in today, but his pal Dorian steps in and continues the Blogosphere-wide lovefest for Grant Morrison's "Doom Patrol" that David Fiore started recently. Dorian discusses here how "Doom Patrol" #34 clearly warped his mind.

* Sean T. Collins is mad as hell... and really, he has no choice but to take it. (Yes it was a tortured movie reference, your point would be..?) In any event, I share his grief that Marvel is turning back the clock, but it was inevitable. It's almost comforting in an asinine way. When a company is on the rocks, they try anything they can to claw their way back to the top. When things are going good, they try as hard as they can not to rock the boat - it's Business 101. Marvel was about as low as you can go in the late 90's, and they had nowhere to go but up. Thankfully, they put some people in charge who had some wild guesses at making good books. A few of those guesses were wildly successful, and a few of them were even worth reading. But the majority of them... well, lets just say that its a good thing that the ideas that worked worked really well. For every Morrison on "New X-Men," you had Joe Casey on "Uncanny". For every "Alias," you had the "Rawhide Kid," and for every "Ultimate Marvel," you had "Tsunami." Lets not even mention Epic, U-Decide, Mark Waid off "Fantastic Four," the no-reprint policy, "Fight Club" Thunderbolts, the horrible "Silver Surfer" relaunch or "Marville." It's basically throwing stuff up on the walls and seeing what sticks - there's no rocket science here. How many different creative Teams has "Iron Man" had in the past three years? Why did they screw up the marketing of "Truth: Red, White and Black" so badly? I'm not going to get nostalgic for the glory days of NuMarvel.

Remember Zombie Punisher?


What's one more Punisher cover between friends?

It's hard to forget, I know. But back when Quesada was just “Marvel Knights” EIC they had Bernie Freakin' Wrightson back on the boards to do it. The one thing NuMarvel knows how to do it throw people at problems until they stick. Wrightson didn't do it for the kids... hire the people who did "Preacher." Problem solved. Hey, if I had told you three years ago that John Severin would be drawing a big-time Marvel western series, you'd have crapped your pants in joy. But did you buy "Rawhide Kid"? No, me neither. Getting Milligan & Allred to revamp the worst-selling "X-Men" spinoff was brilliant - but if it hadn't worked, they'd have tried something different in six months. If Bendis hadn't clicked on "Daredevil", he wouldn't have lasted six months either. But he brought the back up to fairly successful numbers - around just under 60,000 a month as opposed to around 45,000 at the beginning of his run - so he stayed (numbers courtesy of ICV2).

Marvel is in the business to sell comics. Like any business, they are prey to market ebbs and flows - but unlike most businesses, Marvel is also in the position to actually create ebbs and flows dependent on their behavior. So I don't believe NuMarvel knows what its doing in any great way, because the record shows they've been right no more than, oh, maybe a third of the time. But in this business I guess that's all you need. It is not in Marvel's interest to publish thought-provoking postmodernist superhero narratives - they're in the business of making money. Now is the time in the traditional business cycle when you stop experimenting, go with what works and reap the profits of your expansionary phase. In another five years or so when this fails, who knows? Maybe there won't be a direct market left by then.

* Courtesy of Dave at Motime Like The Present, we have an essay on the influence of Jorge Luis Borges on Grant Morrison (link courtesy of The Modern World).

* "Stewart 'Staz' Johnson features in his new role, which he likens to that of TV's Handy Andy, in Zero to Hero on Sunday afternoon. The show features two teams of three people who get their chance to live out a fantasy and become a superhero with the help of Stewart and designer Venetia. Using a range of household junk, or the kind of things lurking at the back of the garage, contestants and designers get together to make an outfit that the would-be new Supermen or Superwomen must wear to complete a task set for a fictitious comic book character." Read more here, courtesy of Wakefield Today. Hey, from drawing "Robin" to this in just a few short years... gotta love that kind of career trajectory.

* Peoples is still talking about Jamie Rich's recent column . Here, Dave at Intermittent gives it a whack.

* Comic Book Resources talks with Alan David Doane's favorite punching bag, Clifford Meth, here.

* Babar at Simply Comics relates the joy of seeing Michael Chabon at the VA book festival here.

* Scott at All Ages give the down-low on a joint presentation he was lucky to see by Chester Brown and Seth here. Sounds great. Now, I'll bet right about now Joe Matt is wishing he actually did something that would get folks to want to see him talk in front of large amounts of people, eh?

* Silver Bullet Comics' usually interesting weekly "Panel" discussion takes a look at... sound effects... this week. Oh well, can't win them all.

* Also at Silver Bullet Comics, Tim Hartnett takes a look at comic book covers here.

* Ever wonder what happened to comic scribe Gerry Conway? Well, he's making a lot more money now (link courtesy Relish).

* "A local boy with diabetes is dealing with his disease and helping others learn about it as well, KMBC's Natalie Moultrie reported. Kamaal Washington, 10, found out five months ago he has diabetes. 'He went through a gamut of emotions -- worry and fear, 'Why me?', and then how to deal with it on a long-term basis,' Kamaal's mother, Dana, said. One way Kamaal is dealing with his diabetes is through drawing comic characters inspired by his father's Omega Man Comics. He and his 8-year-old brother created their own comic book, 'Omega Boy Vs. Dr. Diabetes.'" Read more here, courtesy of The Kansas City Channel.

* "Frank Pitt is a distant, unfeeling, single-minded, neglectful father, and Tom Stern loves him. That's probably because Pitt's not Stern's actual dad, but rather his creation. The balding chief executive, the namesake of the comic strip ‘CEO Dad,’ is a self-absorbed jerk, but one who's struck a chord as he tries to reconcile his roles as a boardroom shark and a family man. Stern, who co-writes the strip from his Woodland Hills home, has watched his brainchild grow from a funny joke to tell at parties into a syndicated comic running in five newspapers nationwide." Read more here, courtesy of the Miami Herald.

* The Kansas City Infozine reviews "Neal Adams' Monsters", from Infozine press, here.

* Courtesy of Billy Bates over at the Comicon boards, we've got this wonderful story... happy April Fools on this one, I guess.





Secret Wars II

Do you remember the first “Hellraiser”? There’s a scene at the very beginning of the movie where this dude goes and buys an evil puzzle box from a swarthy Arab merchant – despite the Arab’s protestations that the box is, you know, evil. So he goes home and solves the puzzle and leather demons from hell come through the wall and rip him limb from limb and carry him screaming and weeping down the corridors of hell. That’s kind of what it’s like to read “Secret Wars II.” Only more painful.

But . . . I was younger, dumber. I didn’t know any better.

I liked super heroes, especially Marvel super heroes. They were totally cool and stuff, and I couldn’t get enough of ‘em. And SWII (as it shall heretofore be known as) had not just one or a few but DOZENS of super heroes, all in the same damn book! How could I go wrong?

Well . . . as I was soon to learn, I could go terribly, terribly wrong.



"Marvel Super Heroes’ Secret Wars" was one of the most successful publishing phenomena of the 1980’s. Sad to say, because it really holds up about as well as Kleenex, but to judge from the way that book and “Crisis” together totally ruined comic publishing for a good decade or so, it was quite influential. Not influential in the nice creative inspiration way, but influential in the “Hey, I need a fifth Ferrari, why don’t you print up some more money, er, ‘Armageddon: 2001’” way. Needless to say, some very fat and sinister men became very rich off some very bad comics.

So, was there ever any doubt that there would be a Secret Wars II? Only if you were, you know, five. But any sequel would, by necessity, have less charm than the original, and since we’re talking about Secret Frickin’ Wars here and not “The Godfather,” there were bad muffins in the oven.

Now that I begin to write, I feel as if I’m getting something off my chest, undergoing some very important bit of catharsis. It is only recently I have begun to understand how twisted my perceptions are on a very basic level, due solely to the mind-numbing influence of SWII. Its important that I communicate these things, even if only to myself, even if the only person who reads these words is the on-duty physician down at the mental ward where I will be deposited, free to illustrate the walls with crayons made of my own frozen fecal matter. Damn you, “Big” Jim Shooter!

Anyway, we all know where SWII picks up. The Beyonder comes to Earth to learn about humanity. Seeing as how his only prior job experience was being the sum totality of another universe, it’s to be expected that he was somewhat baffled by the whole “existence” thang. Now, who had he previously sought out in an attempt to learn about life? The Dalai Lama? The Pope? Noam Chomsky? No . . . the Marvel Super Heroes. Remember how he had previously transported a whole passel of them onto a distant planet in order to fight amongst themselves for a full year? (Don’t worry if you had forgotten - a handy recap is never more than a few pages away!)

So, this tells us that the Beyonder just isn’t very bright in the first place – after all, going to The Mighty Avengers for advice on the meaning of life is almost as bad as going to “Hulk” Hogan and The Rock for advice on film acting. Any suspicions about his varying levels of brightness are only reinforced by the fact that the first person he visits upon arriving on Earth is The Molecule Man.

Now, here’s where the real fun part of the story gets started. The main conflict of the series basically occurs between the Beyonder and the Molecule Man. You see, it had been previously revealed (in MSHSW #11) that the Molecule Man was actually the most powerful being in all of existence, second only to the Beyonder himself. So, it made perfect sense to the Beyonder that he would be the most simpatico being in the universe.

But all the power in the Universe hadn’t done much for the Molecule Man’s outlook – he just wanted to live a quiet, unassuming life in Denver, with his girlfriend Marsha, otherwise known as the fifth-tier super villain Volcana (created by Dr. Doom during the first Secret Wars, by the way). However, life being what it is in the Marvel Universe, he just keeps getting dragged back into the thick of things.

This series, more than any other word I could possibly use to describe it, is repetitive. So, if he goes to see the Molecule Man once, he goes to see him fifteen times. They talk about life, the universe, their traumatic childhoods, the time a friend of their family’s took them aside one summer afternoon and . . .

No, I made that last part up. But the existence of the Molecule Man marks one of SWII’s great missed opportunities (actually, considering how they pretty much used a scorched earth policy in creating these damn things, its pretty much the only missed opportunity short of “MUHAMMED ALI vs. THE BEYONDER”). The Molecule Man was actually an interesting concept for a character – the most powerful being in the universe as an average nebbish. Anyone with two brain cells to grind together would have thought that had some potential – and apparently it had so much potential that the Molecule Man was almost retconned out of existence entirely by the machinations of later creators (more on this later).

Be that as it may, the existential dialogue throughout the series was of such a juvenile nature as to defy description. The Beyonder desired to understand the nature of desire – I know, its oxymoronic just to type it. There had previously been no longing or curiosity in his existence, so naturally, he was pretty pissed when he began experiencing these feelings. However, instead of the Marvel Super Heroes taking the Beyonder under their wing and befriending him, teaching him the meanings of life in a friendly and compassionate manner, they pretty much spent the next nine issues playing Dogpile-on-God.

Which is pretty pitiful when you think about it. Lets see - the man with knives coming out of his hands vs. the man who can destroy an entire galaxy in the blink of an eye. The man who can spin a web and lift a Volkswagon bug vs. the man who can destroy an entire galaxy in the blink of an eye. The man with an indestructible shield and a heart of gold vs. . . . well, you get the idea.

But it wouldn’t be very interesting to see the Marvel Super Heroes sitting down and talking about the nature of existence, now would it? So, instead of doing what most rational people would do in the awe-inspiring presence of the near Divine, they did what your illiterate cousin who works down at the gas station would do. Tried to kick his ass and put the shiv between his ribs.



The truly delicious thing about the second Secret Wars, however, was not the limited series itself (it says “limited series” but it sure as hell feels like forever), but the endless series of crossovers. It is neither the most mind-numbing crossover of all time (that medal would have to go to the Infinity War – a story so big as to spill over into half a year’s worth of “Moon Knight” continuity) nor the stupidest (that honor really, in all good conscience, has to go to “The Joker’s Last Laugh”), but it was one of the very first and the template for all those to follow.

As a conscientious young collector, I spent the next couple years tracking down every single SWII related book I could get my hands on. In this day of eBay, it would probably take you all of ten minutes to track down the whole series, but it took me a while longer back then. I can still remember the last one I actually found – “Power Man & Iron Fist” # 121. One of the better ones, actually, featuring Luke Cage taking the Beyonder to a soul food restaurant. (Could you make this stuff up? Well, obviously, yes, because someone did, someone very bad.)

Some of the crossovers, especially the early ones, were so tangentially connected to the main story as to be laughable. But they all had the Beyonder somewhere, and while I don’t think they are all worthy of discussion, some of them reached new lows in the field of bad comic books.



“Captain America” #308 actually features the smartest thing the Beyonder does in the entirety of this series. He decides to take a human form, so he spends the issue following Cap around before deciding to adopt a duplicate of Cap’s body as his own. Pretty smart. If it had happened in pre-Crisis DC, however, the Beyonder could have helped the Star Spangled Avenger on occasion by impersonated Cap in order to fool pesky girl reporters trying to uncover his secret identity.



“Web of Spider-Man” #6 and “Amazing Spider-Man” #268 deal with the aftermath following the Beyonder having turned a building (Power Man & Iron Fist’s building, incidentally) to solid gold at the conclusion of SWII #2. Seems the Beyonder really misunderstood the concept behind a market economy, at least as described by Luke Cage. Anyway, Spidey saves a bunch of people before getting wound up in the Kingpin and the government’s machinations – seems they have to dispose of the building, fast, or the entire world economy would have been instantly destabilized. Makes sense, right? What doesn’t make sense is Spidey whining and feeling guilty over swiping a single solid-gold notepad from the wreckage – after he busted his hump saving dozens of lives and helping the government avoid worldwide fiscal collapse. I would have probably grabbed whatever I could without seeming too ostentatious – so would most people. But Spidey? He’s got to feel guilty about it . . . don’t you just love the totally bogus and unrealistically stringent sense of morality they tried to foist on kids here?



“Daredevil” #223 is quite possibly the low point of the entire saga. I realize that’s saying quite a bit, but please bear with me here . . .
See, in SWII #3, the Beyonder took over the Earth. It didn’t take any work at all, and he actually found total domination quite boring. So, a little while later he shows up in the offices of Nelson & Murdock, Attorneys at Law, with the stated goal of achieving world domination through legitimate legal and financial means. As part of the initial commission, the Beyonder restores DD’s sight to him. Miraculously. Without any problems, just, boom, he can see now for the first time in twenty or so years. As you can imagine, Matt’s happy – ecstatic – and sets about enjoying his newfound sight. If it had just stopped here, not only would Daredevil had been a much happier (albeit less interesting) guy, but Marvel would have escaped with some shred of dignity intact. But no. The Beyonder ultimately realizes he doesn’t really have any interest in taking over the world at all, so he withdraws his commission from Nelson & Murdock’s firm. He tells Daredevil that he can keep his newly restored sight – as a gift. Here’s the part where most normal people – hell, just about anyone ever to live in the history of the world, especially anyone who’s ever experience actual physical disablement – would just say, “thanks, buddy,” and swing away on their Billy club. But no. In one of the single most absurd and implausible moments in the history of comics, Daredevil demands that the Beyonder take his sight back. Why? I don’t really understand, your guess is as good as mine. Leave it be said that the gods of comicdom were paying attention, and they sent the Kingpin in to fuck DD’s life up but good not half a year later, courtesy of Frank Miller. Stupidity is its own wonderful reward.



“Dazzler” #40 gets the runner-up nod for being the most confusing and unintelligible chapter in the series. In SWII #4, the Beyonder had fallen in love with Alison Blair, the fabulous Disco Dazzler (although she had dropped the disco prefix many years earlier). They parted on amicable terms but here he is again, showing up to see if he can get one more lay, just for old times’ sake. They don’t “get it on” again, but they do fight some demonic cyberpunk bikers. Or something. I couldn’t really tell, but the early Paul Chadwick art was pretty nice. To no-one’s surprise “Dazzler” was soon cancelled.



“Rom” #72 was also just a few issues away from that series’ end. Here we again encounter the major problem stemming from the Beyonder’s existence – how do you prevent him from becoming a deus ex machina of cosmic proportions, essentially rewriting series as he sees fit? In the case of “Daredevil,” they basically fumbled the ball. In the case of ‘Rom’, they . . . basically fumbled the ball. See, whoever had been writing “Rom” had given Rick Jones cancer. Yeah, they had given one of the longest-running supporting characters in the history of comics a terminal disease. Good thing the Beyonder showed up and cured Rick or they would have had to figure out another way to get out of this one. Nice Ditko art, though.



“The Thing” #30 featured the Beyonder as a professional wrestler. Too bad, if he'd showed up an issue later he could have met Devil Dinosaur.





“Fantastic Four” #285 featured one of the most insidiously wrong-headed stories in Marvel history. Johnny Storm is so bummed out after a young Torch obsessive immolates himself in imitation of his hero that he swears to never use his flame powers again. But the Beyonder shows up, during his life-affirming Samaritan phase, in order to show the Human Torch that he can’t feel responsible for the tragedy just because the kid had a screwed-up life. He says something to the effect that Johnny couldn’t allow the kid’s death to deter him from doing good, because it was only through his hero that “he had ever truly lived at all”.

Hmmm.

Yeah, that makes sense. Seems to me that the real message here is that people who set themselves on fire do not make good role models. But most canny readers would probably recognize more of themselves in the dead fan’s behavior than would sit comfortably. Its OK to be totally obsessed with distant fantasy role models because making it in real life is, you know, hard and stuff. Stay in your basement, set yourself on fire, its all good so long as you keep buying Marvel comics.



“Micronauts: The New Voyages” #16 gets the crown for being the most confusing, unintelligible and just plain nonsensical of all the crossovers. The Beyonder shows up in the Microverse and does something important – or something. Unless you’ve read every previous Micronauts book, chances are this one makes absolutely no sense. Leave it be said that the dreaded deus ex machina strikes again, as the Beyonder seems to save the Microverse from some sort of imminent destruction – or something. I’ve read this book half a dozen times but I just can’t make heads or tails of it.



“Cloak & Dagger” #4 is almost as bad as the aforementioned FF issue. In it, the Beyonder shoots heroin. No, I’m not kidding. I’m sure there’s all sorts of profound exposition on the darker nature of humanity and addiction as a demon of the soul, but the way the book was printed I can’t read about half the lettering. Neon yellow letters on black backgrounds printed with everyone’s favorite flexographic techniques. Anyway, did anyone ever notice the fact that Cloak & Dagger was a book about drugs, pedophilia and child pornography? Yeah, and they got together with Spider-Man and fought super-villains, too. Did I mention that the Beyonder shoots up?



The aforementioned “Power Man & Iron Fist” #121 (just four issues away from the end here, too) features Luke Cage taking the Beyonder to a soul food restaurant. Now, I have to give credit where credit is due – of everyone in this entire Godawful wreck of series, Luke Cage is really the only one to actually sit down with the Beyonder and try to, you know, talk things over. But then the Beyonder turns himself black and talks some bad jive – I know, it sounds horrible but its actually a pretty funny sequence. Anyway, there’s another kid in this book who’s dying of cancer, but he doesn’t get a reprieve from the Beyonder. I guess God really is an arbitrary asshole after all. They also have to explain to the Beyonder just why setting up a giant bank of television screens in order to monitor the comings and going of every living being on the planet was a bad idea.



“The New Defenders” #152 really was that title’s last issue – and a more ignominious ending one cannot imagine. The Beyonder shows up and gives Moondragon enough power to demolish the rest of the Defenders – good one. The worst part is, he was trying to help matters. Anyway, the Beast, Angel and Iceman had an appointment in the new “X-Factor” book that was starting up in just a month or so. Never did get to see what happened to that dog, though.

In the months leading directly up the story’s conclusion, numerous patterns begin to repeat themselves. A number of confusing subplots in various series come to a screeching halt as the “big shot” heroes of the MU – meaning, the top selling titles – all dropped what they were doing to mess with the Beyonder.



In the pages of “Peter Parker, Spider-Man” # 111 and “Amazing” #273, The Puma, of all people, discovers it is his fabled destiny to destroy the Beyonder, and that the Universe itself will give him the power to do so when the time is right. Well, it did, but he didn’t. We were, however, treated to the sight of the Puma’s aged Asian mentor listening to Duran Duran while praying in a Buddhist temple. Isn’t that so hip! It’s killing me, it’s so hip.



“X-Men” #202-203 has the Beyonder generally making things difficult for Marvel’s Merry Mutants. Rachel Summers (you know, Cyclops and Marvel Girl’s daughter from an alternate future) decides that she has to kill the Beyonder. Apparently, she hadn’t been paying attention just a few pages ago when the Puma tried. So in order to do this she kills all her friends in the X-Men. She needed their souls or something. Anyway, even though The Beyonder gives her a part of his power, she still wusses out. See, I told you she wasn’t paying attention. And even though Rachel Summers took their souls to use as cannon fodder against God, the X-Men got better. You thought they died for real? What do you think this is, the New Defenders?



“New Mutants” #36-37 has the Beyonder killing the New Mutants. I don’t just mean killing them a little bit, he totally vaporizes them and wipes their memory from the face of the planet. But don’t worry, they got better too. Really makes you wonder what they were thinking.



And then there’s “Fantastic Four” #288, featuring the rematch between Dr. Doom and the Beyonder. Any astute reader, knowing the long-standing enmity between the FF’s then writer/artist John Byrne and SWII perpetrator Jim Shooter could read this issue as a not-so-thinly veiled allegory for just how much these two chucklebunnies hated each other. See, it turns out that during the time when the first Secret Wars was going down, Doom had ostensibly been dead – killed by Byrne during the “Trial of Galactus” storyline. Of course, he wasn’t really dead, and Byrne had been planning his return all along. But Doom showing up smack dab in the middle of the first Secret Wars kinda blew that all to hell and gone. So, Doom tracks down the Beyonder and wants to know the score. Reed Richards scolds the Beyonder about messing with the time stream, warning him that not even he could survive a rupture in the fabric of the space-time continuum or something like that blah blah blah. So, Byrne basically lectures Shooter about messing with his continuity and fixes everything in the end by having the Beyonder send Doom back in time to the first Secret Wars. See, the Secret Wars weren’t even over and they already couldn’t wait to retcon Shooter’s baby into oblivion (more on that in a bit).

The Secret Wars ended pretty much for good with the release of SWII #9, prosaically entitled “A Time To Die.” After nine issues worth of mood swings and whiny bitching on an Olympic level, the Beyonder sits down and thinks things through. He makes himself human. Or something. Everyone dogpiles on him again, but it’s the Molecule Man going toe-to-toe with him that turns the tide. Finally, the Beyonder turns himself into a widdle biddy baby and gets zapped to death by the Molecule Man. Its just pain by this point, it really is. The only thing that would have redeemed it by this point would have been a two-page pin-up of Wolverine skewering the infant on his claws and devouring it whole. (But no, the only Wolverine-eating-baby-infant action to be found anywhere, so far as I know, is in the pages of “What If?” second series #6.)


(Trust me, there's some Wolvie-cannibalism inside.)

Shooter’s downfall shortly after the conclusion of the Secret Wars pretty much ensured that there would be no more sequels.

But that didn’t stop the Fantastic Four from spending half a year basically undoing everything that Shooter written. Now, I don’t know about you but one of the most annoying things I come across as a comic reader has to be when the creators’ personal differences spill onto the page, causing them to write stories with the express purpose of thumbing their noses at other peoples’ stories. Claremont and Byrne did this quite a bit when they were working on “X-Men” and “Fantastic Four”, respectively. By that same token “Secret Wars III” has to be the most petty and vindictive comic ever written.



“Fantastic Four” #319 basically said that everything associated with the Secret Wars had been a lie. The Beyonder hadn’t really been all-powerful – he had been merely an immature cosmic cube, not really that powerful at all. Him and the Molecule Man actually possessed two halves of the power necessary to make a mature cube - seems the accident that had spawned the Molecule Man had torn an interdimensional rift, creating access to wherever the energies for nascent Cosmic Cubes are stored. So, at the behest of everyone’s favorite double-amputee The Shaper of Worlds, they reformed the stillborn cube, causing the Beyonder to basically cease to exist in any capacity (as if being dead had ever held him back before) and killing the Molecule Man, to boot.


So, what about that galaxy the Beyonder had destroyed way back in MSHSW #1? Explained to be a mere illusion. What about all the great powers of the cosmos, such as Eternity, the Celestials, Galactus, etc, who had cowered and cringed for years because of how powerful the Beyonder was supposed to have been? Well, that’s never been adequately explained but lets move on now . . . and did I mention that the Beyonder shot up heroin in “Cloak & Dagger” #4?



So, not only were the combined Secret Wars one of the most insultingly stupid ideas ever executed on the comics page, but they were evidently too stupid to remain a part of canon, either. There’s nothing that makes me feel better about reading a story than to turn around and find out it was all a lie, a damn dirty lie!!! Someone, it seems, had been eating monkey brains and slowly fermenting in a bubbling broth of their own insanity.

Did I mention I once had a pet theory about the New Universe? At the end of SWII, the Beyonder’s death knell basically blasted a hole through the side of the universe. The “White Event” at the genesis of the “New U” hadn’t yet been explained properly, so since the two events actually coincided rather neatly it occurred to me that they might have been the same things. The “New U” had been established from the very beginning to be part of a totally different multiverse from the regular MU, so it was conceivable that the Beyonder’s death-rattle had blasted a hole in existence all the way across the other side of the omniverse. But after Shooter left Marvel, they decided to blow up the New U’s Pittsburg (Shooter’s hometown, probably not coincidentally) and find another explanation for the White Event. I always wondered if that’s what he had originally meant. I guess I’ll just have to take that burning question to my grave.



All told, Secret Wars II was one of the defining points in my life. As I type these words I realize just how much pain and despair there lies curdled up at the center of my soul.

Why did they do it? It’s not as if it’s impossible to make a decent crossover (“DC One Million” springs to mind). It’s not as if it’s even impossible to do a good story about godlike villains (the “Infinity Gauntlet” was fun). But for some strange reason, the circumstances behind SWII conspired to produce a solid year’s worth of comics so toxically bad as to scar small children.

I mean, seriously . . . in order to get away from the basic absurdity of having an omnipotent deus ex machina step into their universe, the creators had to annihilate any shred of internal consistency the books ever had. Otherwise we’d have a rich Spider-Man, a seeing Daredevil, dead X-Men, a dead Rick Jones, a destroyed Microverse (not that anyone would have cared about that), but . . . you get the picture.

I daresay that everyone on the entire planet should have to read SWII before they can die. It needs to be translated into every conceivable language possible, and force-fed to schoolchildren everywhere. People need to know, people need to fear. Otherwise, it could very well happen again. Never forget. Never again, never.

Tragedy of this caliber cannot be allowed to visit our children or our children’s children. SWII salted the once-fertile creative soil of the comics industry so badly that we are only now beginning to recover. The collectibles glut, the Image “revolution”, the massive widespread unintelligibility of mainstream comics – it can all be traced back here. This is the Original Sin.

“I desire to... understand.

In my realm, I am all! But here is multiplicity... here is diversity... here is incompleteness which I do not understand! I desire to understand!”

With these words was a generation’s innocence lost. We may not have learned much about the nature of life, but we saw the true face of evil. It was roughly handsome, with David Hasslehoff’s features and a bad jehri-curl. And, also, its worth noting that he wore a shiny silver tracksuit long before any of the rappers did.